We all love hearing big success stories; water turning into wine, dead being resurrected, mountains moving... The big stories of the little people are brushed off. I’d like to share with you a vivid illustration of Albanian Gypsy culture, and an impressive example of courage and faith.
A lady, who I’ll call Ada, is in her early thirties, like we, but her life has been very unlike ours. An older sister to two brothers was born and grew up in Korça. The smart girl truly enjoyed going to school, but when she reached 15, the parents decided to marry her off to a man almost twice her age. As it is common here, Ada moved in with her new husband and in-laws. Way too early she learnt the joys and hardships of the adult life. Barely 16, she gave birth to a baby-girl. Almost ten years later she had a son. A typical life of a poor Albanian Gypsy woman: marry early, raise kids and toil at home for the rest of your life. If you’re lucky, the in-laws treat you decently. But Ada wasn’t lucky. For an unassuming outsider, her husband creates an appearance of a quiet and nice person, yet his addiction to alcohol marred the life of the woman and her children. When he gets drunk, he turns violent.
Ada has been quietly suffering for years, as everybody in her family and neighbourhood would bluntly echo that we all must carry our own burdens. Years went by, Ada found Christ and peace in her heart, yet the abuse both towards her and the children only increased. As soon as Sean heard of her situation, he started encouraging the lady to find a place of her own, and promised the church’s support. It took over a year to work up the courage. She wasn’t wary of any revenge from her ex-husband. She had to fight a bigger monster called Culture. “What will people say?” too often towers above the wellbeing of your own children. In the people’s eyes, a woman leaving her husband commits a bigger crime than a husband, who instead of providing and caring for the family, wastes all the money on alcohol and constantly beats his wife and children.
First Ada moved in with her parents. They let her stay, but didn’t let her forget the shame she had brought on the family. Later, Ada’s brother with his family also moved into the two-room flat, and the living space became tight. Albanians don’t typically care about private space much, but the reproaches never really ended. “You just have to suffer,” they would tell her. “Everybody gets their share of suffering in life, and you must endure yours.” Even though both Ada’s in-laws passed away in the last year or so, and she had divorced her husband even longer ago, the culture wouldn’t let her get loose from the past.
Finally, Ada took her two children and moved out to a small two-room flat, leaving her parents and brother’s family more room, and getting more peace of mind. Working six days a week as a cleaner Ada makes a mere $120 a month. When I tried to convince her she should cook some meat for her anaemic daughter, I received a blunt reply, “Who can afford meat?”.
Ada’s determination is impressive. She has to fight the silent fight not only with the culture monster, but even with her own family in order to… protect her children from the abuse and provide them a safe and stable home! It’s difficult to be a single mother anywhere in the world, let alone in such a male dominant culture as Albania. Even more than Ada’s strong will I admire her trust in God – when she is stressed, tired, worried, when things seem hopeless, she chooses to rely on God and throw all her burdens on Him. She has some relatives in Greece and would love to emigrate. And I cannot blame her. Who wouldn’t want to escape the clutches of poverty and sometimes merciless culture? And unfortunately, her story is not really unique.
